A letter to who I was a year ago

Dear eighteen-three-months-and-seven-days-old Leila,

You think you have figured out who you'll be, where you'll go, what your life will look like. You feel like now, you can't stray from what you've said you want.

I promise, though, things will change so unbelievably much. 

Life for you (like basically everyone) has been a series of questions, answers, more questions, and a whole heap of doubt. It isn't always clear, how things will turn out. For some, it's obvious. For others, like you, it will take some time. Every time you think you suck, every time you think you're amazing, every time you don't think at all, remember things aren't always certain and you aren't always right. That doesn't mean to stop trying, though. It in fact means the latter; make the mistakes you have to make, fail the things you need to fail, and– most importantly, decide what you feel you need to decide.

Oddly enough, after months of wondering if this is really want you want to do, you'll arrive in a (kind of) new place and begin change in so many aspects of your life. You'll be nervous, of course. New people, new language, new culture. You'll feel a little unsettled and tentative because it isn't what you're used to. The extraordinary thing, though, is that you'll somehow also feel completely at home; a step closer to finding what it is you're set for. 

It will be a time where you'll cry because you're a little frightened of change, a time where you'll laugh because you finally feel at ease, a time where you'll try your hardest because that's what you're here to do. It will be your time. 

Of course, you'll be missing your family in Australia immensely. They are your security blanket– your comfort zone. It's okay though, because you'll Facetime them often enough that it'll probably get excessive. You'll realise soon enough that the concept of family transcends the bounds of distance and time; they will be there always, and they'll love you forever. You'll realise you couldn't be where you are without them.

So many changes and new understandings await you. For now, though, enjoy what is right before you. University, a new home, new things to learn. Stay on that path and you'll find that you still stray in order to find where you feel right. A year from now you won't know how, but you'll understand that life has a way of making you uncomfortable so that you can find comfort.

A lot can change in a couple of months. Look forward to it.

Love, nineteen-three-months-and-seven-days-old Leila ♡